"Hmmm..... sounds like a personal problem to me."
"Dad, ignore everything I'm about to say."
"I usually do."
"Grant, can you say crazy?"
"Good. Now say, Mimi is crazy."
"Dad said just to put him in a nice retirement home."
"What about Mom?"
"Mom's gonna be in a house next door. Probably attached."
"Just put a tunnel underneath. I'll wheel myself over in my wheel chair."
"Dad, I can't wear Kirkland jeans, and find a wife that you would approve of."
"Please make eye contact when I talk to you."
"You're not even making eye contact with me!"
"Oh yeah, sorry. I got distracted."
"Awww crap, I lost it."
"Boston? We lost Boston?"
"Hey, you saw that pregnancy test. You knew what you were getting yourself into."
"Hey, I just thought I had to keep you clean and fed."
"We can go horse back riding! Don't they have winter horses?"
"It's not a vacation if it's warm."
"Hmmm.... Well let's see. I have to speak in sacrament meeting that Sunday."
"Can't you just call in sick?"
"I hope everyone buckled up because I'm not the safest driver. Did everyone sign their consent forms and waivers?"
"Jeff, we really don't want you to be here. It was a much better three seconds without you."
"I think I might do some shopping myself..."
"Really Dad? What are you gonna go buy?"
"I'll probably get some fruit at Costco. Maybe pick up some eggs..."
"Chanelle I heard a story about you..."
"What? Stop it. It's not true. My little sister is here, and it probably can't be good."
"Stop texting! I just want to see your face."
"What does peanut gallery even mean?"
"It means no side comments. Like, no sassy things or I'll drop kick you in the face."
"Hi Aubs! Your-hair-is-pretty-do-you-have-a-boyfriend?"
"Yeah, but she could have any guy she wanted."
"I'm gonna... cut all your fingers off."
"Aubrey LOVES it when you tickle here. Keep doing that, you'll see how much fun she has. See? Look at her. Aubrey you having fun yet?"
"I swear Aubrey, if you're married right after high school I'm gonna punch your face. And lock you in a basement. With a dragon."