Saturday, June 18, 2011

Why not?

"Aubs, not everyone has the same mindset as you."
"What do you mean?"
"Not everyone automatically love each other. Everyone will make judgements whether you like it or not. That's how the world is. It isn't fun, but not everyone is accepting."

She said this after I said,

"I don't care. I don't care if people don't like my yellow pants. If I like them, then I should be able to wear them. If I want to dye my hair purple, then I'll love it, no matter what. I don't want to dress a certain way because someone thinks I have to. I don't want to wear make-up because someone said I should. I like how I am, and if people can't be accepting of that, then it's their problem."

I guess in a way my mom's right. There are people. Who make quick assumptions. It happens at work ALL THE TIME. They give me a look that says,
"You're just a teenager. You don't know what you're doing. You can't make a sandwich well. Plus you're probably a brat and only care about yourself."
What do I do?
Smile and ask
"What can I get for you?"
And then, I go in the back, and turn on "Here Comes The Sun."
And I can see it in their face.
"I was wrong? How could I ever have been wrong? She seems nice. She said that she'd make the sandwich as fast as she could so I can get to my son's baseball game. Why did I ever think that?"
And then they awkwardly look away. Because that's the only socially acceptable thing that they can think of.
"Here you go! And have a wonderful day!"

Why can't we love each other? I don't know. I see people everyday. I'm with them.
"Did you see what she's wearing?"
Stop it

I just don't understand what makes it so hard.

Sunday, June 12, 2011


She did what any logical person might do.

She ran.

It was hard but soon there was that adrenaline inside her, that sweet push towards freedom.

She couldn't think.

She listened as her feet hit the pavement. One. Two. One. Two.

It was there. At the back of her mind. Gnawing at her. Waiting.

One. Two. One. Two.

A new sound. What was it?

Splash. Splash.

Rain started softly, but quickly became hard sheets. On her arms. Her legs. In her eyes. It didn't matter. She was running away. She was leaving.

But for how long?

The thought came to her. The thought she was trying to leave. The thought that kept on chasing her no matter how hard she tried.

No. Splash. Splash.

The rain. Started down her head. In her hair. Down her shoulders. Soaked through her shirt and pants. Into her squishy shoes.

Splash. Splash.

She felt it. Soaking into her skin. Soaking into her bones. Soaking into her soul.

Splash. Splash. One. Two. One. Two.

She looked down. That dusty road. It wasn't dusty. It looked new. The rain had washed it all away. She kept running. Closing her eyes. Hoping the rain could wash away everything that happened.

Splash. Splash. One. Splash. Two. Splash.


She stopped.

She laid down.

How long?

"Forever." The words came to her lips easier than she thought. Like they had been waiting along time to come out.

"No." That came next. Harder than the first. But inside she knew. If there was someone. Someone who could come. Tell her to come back. To stop this.

But they wouldn't come.

Why would they?

She closed her eyes. As the last words, softer than the last time, escaped her lips.