Sunday, April 3, 2011

I was a really depressing Sophmore

DISCLAIMER: I'm not trying to make anyone depressed by sharing this with you :)
Written about 1 year ago.

Sometimes you get sad.

And you want it to stop.

But it isn't and no one is helping you and you don't know what to do because you try to distract yourself and you try not to think.

But then you stop.

And you think.

And like a big wave at the ocean it crashes down on you and it covers your whole body and it's so overwhelming.

Will someone help? Can someone please just help?

No. Because they don't.

In some ways I'm really glad I kept this... Short essay.... If you will. In others, I'd really like to burn it. This shows a complete moment of weakness. I was completely selfish, not even thinking of my family or friends. More importantly, of my Heavenly Father who is there every step of the way in every aspect of my life. I wonder how different of a person I might have acted in those situations had I been putting my trust in Him and fully rely in God.

But I'm also glad I kept this. I'm able to see the growth and the changes that I've been through based on my decisions. Decisions that may have started off wrong, but eventually turned out more wonderfully than I ever could have imagined. At that time, I was so down on myself because it felt like it might never end. It did, and now when I face difficulties today, I can know that "this too shall pass."

1 comment:

SaraLouise said...

I have a great scripture for you. It was literally a miracle t a very, very close friend of mine on a day she decided she wanted to take her own life. She (and I am being completely and utterly serious, not a drop of sarcasm nor exaggeration in this)threw her scriptures on the floor to get them out of the way so she could kneel on her floor, lean on her futon, and pray fiercely. Quite suddelny, she stood, snatched up her scriptures and flipped open to these very verses: Doctrine and Covenants: 121: 7-9. She cried. Hard. And not because of the same reason she wanted to leave Earth. I cried with her. And it was a massive testimony builder. I love the scriptures. So much.